Click to read this short thought piece discussing Effective Family Meetings, as published in Inspiration and Insights online magazine on February 3, 2026.

You can also watch this brief video clip.

 

Effective Family Meetings

Last updated: July 7, 2026

When most people envision a family meeting, they picture a formal gathering where the family patriarch or matriarch sits at the head of the table, dictating agenda items and policy decisions to the rest of the family members. The tone is often top-down, with the implicit expectation that family members will unquestioningly nod in agreement.

While this approach may work in some contexts, it misses a crucial element that transforms family meetings from a simple check-in into a meaningful, dynamic conversation. The real power of family meetings doesn’t come from unilaterally imposing decisions but from creating a safe space for open, transparent and multidirectional communication.

Through years of experience in facilitating family meetings, I’ve come to the core belief that every voice in the room must have the opportunity to be heard. Let me be clear: I’m not saying that everyone necessarily gets a vote or has veto power. These considerations depend on factors like age, role, and the specific governance structure that your family has chosen. But everyone should have the opportunity to speak. This is non-negotiable. When family members feel that their perspectives are valued, even if they don’t have the final say, it builds trust and fosters a stronger sense of unity.

Moving Beyond Traditional Family Hierarchies

For many families, the traditional model of leadership where the patriarch or matriarch makes all the important decisions was satisfactory in past generations. However, today’s families, particularly those managing co-owned wealth, businesses, or other complex dynamics, need a more inclusive approach. The teenage child who will soon take a seat on the family foundation board has insights worth listening to. The daughter-in-law who has established a successful career brings an outside perspective that’s just as valuable. Even younger children can offer observations that reveal overlooked truths, cutting through adult assumptions.

Creating multidirectional communication means more than just soliciting input; it requires an intentional shift away from handing down decisions from the top. It’s about actively engaging everyone in the room: asking questions, exploring ideas, and allowing space for uncomfortable conversations. When families embrace this mindset, it fosters an environment where everyone feels involved and heard.

The Importance of Independent Facilitation

One of the best ways to ensure that every voice is heard in family meetings is through independent facilitation. When family members themselves lead these discussions, it’s difficult to keep the process objective and neutral. The matriarch who wants to lead a conversation about succession planning may inadvertently dominate, limiting the voices of quieter family members. The patriarch who drives a conversation about philanthropy might unintentionally leave out important perspectives, especially from younger generations or in-laws.

This is where an independent facilitator comes in. A neutral facilitator’s primary responsibility is to manage the meeting process itself. Their role is to ensure that everyone who wants to speak has the opportunity, that the more dominant personalities don’t overshadow others, and that the conversation remains productive, respectful and focused on the family’s collective goals.

Meeting facilitators are attuned to the room’s dynamics. They recognize when someone has been trying to speak for a while without being acknowledged. They pay attention to body language, picking up on signs of discomfort or disagreement, even if those feelings aren’t verbally expressed. They create structured opportunities for each person to share their perspective without interruption. Most importantly, they foster an environment where difficult yet necessary conversations can take place, which is something that families often avoid because of past conflicts or discomfort.

Feeling Heard vs. Having the Final Say

It’s important to distinguish between feeling heard and having final decision-making authority. In many family structures, it’s reasonable for certain individuals or groups to maintain control over final decisions. Perhaps the founding parents still hold controlling ownership of the family business, or the trustees of a family trust have fiduciary duties that require their oversight.

However, what I’ve learned from years of facilitating these discussions is this: people are more likely to accept decisions that they disagree with when they feel their voice was genuinely heard and their opinions were considered. It’s when people, especially younger generations or married-in family members, feel that their input is being ignored or merely tolerated that disengagement, resentment, and even fractures begin to form.

Strengthening Family Cohesion Through Shared Decision-Making

At the end of the day, ensuring that everyone has a voice isn’t just about applying fairness and democratic principles to a particular family meeting. It’s about building the foundation for long-term family cohesion and effective governance. Families that thrive across generations do so because their members feel emotionally engaged and invested in collective decisions. When people are part of the decision-making process, they’re more likely to support the outcome, even if it’s not exactly what they wanted.

Creating a culture of open multi-generational and multi-directional communication requires a simple commitment: in every family meeting, every participant will have the opportunity to be heard. By making sure that all voices, whether they come from the youngest child, the newest in-law, or the most senior family member, are valued, you can build a family dynamic that is both inclusive and resilient. So, as you plan your next family meeting, remember that the key ingredient to success is not who may hold the final say, but ensuring that everyone has a chance to speak their mind.

Click to read this short thought piece titled Once Upon a Time, published in Impact! online magazine on January 7, 2026, also check out this brief video clip.

 

Once Upon a Time

Last updated: July 7, 2026

When we talk about family wealth, the conversation often begins and ends with money. Yet the most enduring aspects of family wealth have very little to do with financial capital. They live in our values, our stories, our sense of responsibility to help those less fortunate, and the way each generation adapts as it identifies with the family’s culture.

Teaching those non-financial essentials doesn’t always require a formal curriculum. In fact, it’s often most effective when lessons emerge naturally, beginning when children or grandchildren are very young and evolving in age-appropriate ways as they mature.

Starting Early: Empathy, Community, and Responsibility

With young children, the goal is to nurture foundational qualities: empathy, awareness of community, and an understanding that along with privilege comes responsibility. These don’t have to be lofty lessons. They can be woven into simple, concrete practices, like the classic three-jar allowance approach.

Many families already use the “spend, save, give” jars to help their children understand basic budgeting, delayed gratification, and the difference between wants and needs. One additional step that I often recommend is to make those three jars transparent. Let your children see their choices accumulate. And if philanthropy is part of your family’s culture, consider matching the amount a child places in the “give” jar immediately afterwards. Watching that jar grow at an accelerated pace reinforces their understanding of generosity to those less fortunate as a family value.

From there, gently guide your children and grandchildren toward causes that resonate with them. Some may be drawn to feeding the hungry; others may feel connected to the arts or their own school community. What matters is helping them discover that even at a young age, they have the power to contribute to something larger than themselves.

The Power of a Cohesive Family Story

Another powerful dimension of non-financial wealth, one that applies regardless of a child’s age, is the family narrative. Every family has an origin story: how their wealth was created, what challenges were overcome, which values were central in shaping the path forward.

It might be the story of grandparents who arrived in a new country with little more than determination and built a small shop that eventually grew into a booming enterprise. It might be a story of innovation, or stewardship, or grit. Whatever it is, that narrative becomes a family touchstone.

Children are naturally drawn to stories. “Once upon a time” has a way of quieting a room, inviting everyone to lean in. When families thoughtfully craft and consistently share their story across generations, they give their children something invaluable: a sense of identity.

A shared narrative helps answer essential questions, such as: Who are we as a family? What do we believe in, value most and stand for? What does it mean to be a member of our family?

Financial wealth can be measured, invested, and transferred, but without the perspective of the family’s values, responsibility, and identity, it may well not endure in a meaningful way. When families cultivate these non-financial qualities early, often, and consistently over time, they equip their future generations to become competent and confident stewards of their wealth.

The strongest legacies are the ones built with intention. And they might just begin with something as simple as a clear jar, a matched donation, or a bedtime story that starts with “once upon a time.”

Please read this short piece on Family Dynamics in Estate Planning, as published in Point of View online magazine on December 2, 2025, also a short video clip.

 

Family Dynamics in Estate Planning

Last updated: July 7, 2026

I recently had the opportunity to help a family design their estate plan in order to streamline the process when it was handed over to their attorney for drafting. The idea was to make the lawyer’s job more efficient, allowing them to focus on preparing the legal documents, after which I reviewed the drafts to ensure that the intentions of the family were clearly reflected.

In this particular case, the family had a situation that, unfortunately, is not uncommon: one child was struggling with substance abuse and the other was financially responsible. The daughter was established in her career in wealth management, was engaged to someone in the same field, and had a very strong grasp of financial matters. Their son, on the other hand, was deep into his addiction, unable to manage his finances responsibly.

Initially, the parents wanted to create a trust for their son, with their daughter acting as trustee. They also planned to leave their daughter’s share of their estate to her outright, given her financial competence. It seemed like a straightforward approach, but I immediately saw potential for serious conflict down the road.

I explained to the parents that this arrangement could lead to a significant rift between the two siblings. The son, whose inheritance would be placed in a trust under his sister’s control, would likely resent her for holding the purse strings. Additionally, he might feel betrayed by his parents for not trusting him with his share outright, especially in comparison to his sister. This arrangement could create an environment where the siblings may possibly become estranged, and the trust might become a point of contention instead of a source of support.

Instead, I recommended that they establish separate trusts for each child, each with an independent trustee, someone who was not involved emotionally, such as a financial advisor, attorney, or a trusted family friend. The trust would give the trustee full discretion to decide whether distributions were appropriate based upon the circumstances at the time, without putting one child in the position of controlling the other’s access to funds.

The key takeaway

My key takeaway for families who are designing their estate plan is that fair doesn’t always mean equal, and equal doesn’t always mean equitable. Just because you want to treat your children equally doesn’t mean it’s the best approach for everyone involved. If circumstances dictate that one child requires more support than another, consider finding an equitable solution that acknowledges and respects the realities of each child’s (or grandchild’s) situation.

Moreover, and this is something I cannot stress enough, have the difficult conversations while you’re still alive. Sit down with your children, explain your thought process, and give them the opportunity to ask you questions. While you’re alive, you’re the referee. You can guide the conversation, clarify your intentions, and head off potential misunderstandings. After you’re gone, the referee is gone, and all bets are off. The last thing you want later is for your children to feel that you never liked them, trusted them or that they weren’t treated fairly.

I’ve seen trusts designed to last for a child’s entire lifetime, only paying out when they reached 70 years of age. While the parents may have thought this was a sound strategy, the message it sent was, “We didn’t trust you to manage your inheritance responsibly until now.” That’s a powerful, and often damaging, message.

In the end, estate planning is not just about drafting documents; it’s about communication and understanding. Make sure you take the time to explain your decisions to your family in your own voice. After all, the last thing you want is for your legacy to be overshadowed by confusion, resentment, or fractured relationships.

Please click to read this short piece exploring Bridging Generational Divides, published in Talking Trends online magazine on November 4, 2025.

There is also a short video clip.

 

Bridging Generational Divides

Last updated: July 7, 2026

One of the most critical challenges facing multi-generational families today is creating alignment when different generations have fundamentally different points of focus. This disconnect is particularly evident in how families approach impact, sustainability, and the deployment of capital.

The senior generation often thinks in terms of two distinct pockets: their investment pocket and their philanthropy pocket. This compartmentalized approach has worked for them for decades, and they see little reason to change. On the other hand, younger generations have an altogether different approach. They want to utilize their wealth to make the world a better place, and they don’t particularly care whether they pursue that goal through their investments or their philanthropy. For them, it’s all part of striving toward the same mission.

This fundamental difference in outlook creates a disconnect that can undermine family cohesion and engagement. I recently worked with a family where the senior generation, who controlled the purse strings for all the branches of his family, dismissed his niece’s interest in impact investing as a “wacky idea,” insisting that his more traditional view of investing was the only rational one and refusing to even hear her perspective.

I posed a critical question to him: If you’ve discounted your niece’s point of view out of hand, how is she supposed to become engaged in the family vision? How can you expect her to show up and be engaged when you’ve just completely disengaged her?

This is the paradox I see time after time in family dynamics. Senior generations want the next generation to be engaged, committed, and ready to carry forward the family legacy. Yet they simultaneously shut down the very voices they’re trying to cultivate.

To overcome this counterproductive cycle, families might consider establishing a pattern of what I call multi-directional communication. This isn’t the traditional top-down approach where the senior generation dictates values and methods, insisting that “this is how we do it, it’s worked for us forever, and we’re not changing anything.”

Instead, try to recognize that your younger generations have had different educational opportunities, different life experiences, and bring diverse perspectives into the family, sometimes through marriage, sometimes through their professional experiences. The question becomes: Are we willing to listen to what they have to say?

Depending on their age, maturity and experiential level, younger family members may not yet be ready to have a vote, and they may not yet have earned the right to have a veto. But at minimum, they deserve a voice. In my experience, people fundamentally want that sense of being heard.

When I facilitate family meetings, I make it clear from the outset that everyone will have a chance to be heard. The response is often profound. Participants come to me afterwards and say, “I never got to say that to my parents before. Thank you for that opportunity to say what was on my mind for so long.”

A while back, I facilitated a family meeting where a mother sat and listened to her adult children as they shared thoughts that they had never expressed to her before. They talked about what keeps them up at night, what they’re concerned about, what they truly care about. To her credit, she really took it in. She listened.

The very first thing I recommend to the wealth creator generation is this: Listen to your children and grandchildren as much or more than you speak. We all know this principle in business. The more you talk in a meeting, chances are, the worse the meeting will go. But the more you let your customer or client speak, the better the meeting outcome will likely be.

My advice for families is identical. Senior generations, use your ears as much as you use your mouth. Pay attention. Don’t just let younger family members speak, actually take it in and hear it. Really hear it.

Whatever your family governance system looks like, think about ways you can adjust it to encourage engagement across all generations. And here’s the most important piece: Build in a process for amendments.

It could be structured like a national constitutional amendment process: difficult, requiring specific steps and consensus. But it needs to exist. When the senior generation eventually passes and the junior generation graduates into that senior chair, they may want to make certain changes. If you haven’t built that process into the structure from the beginning, you’re setting up inevitable frustration and conflict.

Bridging generational divides isn’t about one generation capitulating to another. It’s about creating space for genuine dialogue, mutual respect, and evolutionary change. It’s about recognizing that different doesn’t mean wrong, and that the family’s values can be honored even as the structures to perpetuate those values evolve.

The families that thrive across generations are the ones that master this balance of honoring tradition while embracing innovation, respecting experience while welcoming fresh perspectives, and above all, truly listening to every voice at the table.

Click to read this short thought piece titled Including In-Laws in Family Governance, as published in Inspiration and Insights online magazine on Oct 6, 2025.

You can also watch this brief video clip.

 

Including In-Laws in Family Governance

Last updated: July 7, 2026

The question of whether to include the spouses of children or grandchildren in family meetings and family governance systems is one that frequently arises in multigenerational families. These relatives — often labeled as “outlaws” — present both a challenge and an opportunity for families trying to build a lasting legacy.

The Case for Inclusion

When it comes to family business operational discussions, there may well be portions of family meetings where spouses who aren’t actively involved in the business need not (and perhaps should not) participate. However, when the conversation turns to family values, identity, and legacy — the heart of what defines you as a family — the involvement of your in-laws is not just beneficial; it’s essential.

Consider this crucial point: these “outlaws” are the parents of your grandchildren. If they are excluded from participating in discussions about your family’s core values and legacy, how can these critical concepts be effectively passed down to the next generation of your family? Their exclusion risks creating a gap in the family’s value chain, undermining the very continuity of identity that you are working so hard to ensure.

The Strategic Value of Diversity

In-laws bring a variety of benefits to family governance. They offer:

• Diverse skill sets that complement and strengthen existing family capabilities;
• Fresh perspectives that challenge group-think and promote more informed decision-making; and
• Cultural, geographic, economic and experiential diversity that boosts the family’s knowledge base, adaptability and resilience.

Rather than seeing these differences as hurdles, families who have successfully navigated generational transitions recognize them as assets that will deepen the family’s collective wisdom and enhance its governance.

Systems for Successful Integration

One family that I know uses a sophisticated approach to welcoming new members into their family system, which includes:

• Mentorship programs, pairing incoming members with existing relatives;
• Comprehensive welcome materials that outline family history, values, and expectations; and
• Structured educational curricula that cover everything from family governance to philanthropy to wealth stewardship.

This well-defined structure acknowledges that new family members often come from different cultural, socioeconomic, and value-driven backgrounds. Instead of assuming alignment, this family focuses on developing it with intention to build a strong foundation to last long-term.

Addressing the Challenges

Yes, challenges do arise. Divorce, for example, can lead to transitions, requiring careful navigation as previously included members withdraw. However, these challenges should not overshadow the critical importance of family engagement. During the years when these individuals are actively parenting your grandchildren, their involvement in discussions around family values is crucial.

Families that thoughtfully approach the inclusion of in-laws — by setting clear expectations, fostering genuine connections, and creating systematic integration processes — experience stronger unity across generations. They understand that family governance is not just about managing wealth or business interests, but about cultivating a shared identity that transcends individual relationships or professional roles.

The Bottom Line

In-laws should not be viewed as “outlaws” to be managed or tolerated. They are integral partners in the family’s multigenerational success. By creating well-defined systems for their engagement, you not only strengthen your family governance, but also the foundation upon which your legacy will endure.

The question isn’t whether you should include them in family meetings, it’s whether you can afford not to.

Susan’s article, How to Enhance Privacy for Private Foundation Clients: Strategies for not disclosing sensitive information, was published in Trusts & Estates magazine’s e-newsletter on October 1, 2025.

Here’s the link: https://www.wealthmanagement.com/philanthropy/how-to-enhance-privacy-for-private-foundation-clients

Click to read this short thought piece discussing Defining Your Family Legacy: Much More Than Documents, published in Impact! online magazine on Sept 3, 2025, also check out this brief video clip.

 

Defining Your Family Legacy: Much More Than Documents

Last updated: July 7, 2026

When I think about legacy, I like to frame it through the lens of classic journalism: who, what, when, where, why, and how. It’s a framework that cuts through the complexity and gets to the heart of what really matters when families think about what they want to leave behind.

What Is Your Legacy?

I always start with the “what,” and here’s where I see families get it wrong most often.

Your legacy isn’t your Will. It’s not your trust. It’s not your estate plan or the stack of documents your lawyer drafted. And while philanthropy is rewarding, it’s not the underlying paperwork for your philanthropic vehicle that defines your legacy either.

Your legacy is made up of your stories — the stories that get passed down around dinner tables, during road trips, and at family gatherings. It’s the story of how your grandparents came to America with nothing and started a small business that eventually grew into a massive company. Or how your parents met. Or why your family lives where and how it does. These are the fabric of what shapes identity and connection across generations.

Legacy is the ongoing narrative of “Who are we as a family, and what do we stand for?”

These stories, when carefully preserved and intentionally shared, become the backbone of your family’s values. They give rise to questions like: Do we value sacrifice? Do we value service to others? Do we strive to become captains of industry? The stories reveal the answer. And over time, they begin to define what your family stands for.

Who Should Be Part of the Conversation?

Now, let’s talk about the “who.” Who do you include in those all-important conversations about legacy?

We often start with the obvious: Mom, Dad, the kids. But the number of people included in those discussions can — and should — expand. If the grandkids are old enough to understand and engage, invite them in.

What about the spouses of your children or grandchildren? Absolutely. Especially when you’re talking about shared values and the future of the family culture, the broader the circle, the stronger the foundation.

This isn’t about having every family member vote on every decision. It’s about giving everyone a voice and creating space for multiple diverse voices across generations to be heard and valued in shaping how your family identifies what it represents.

When to Start: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow

Then there’s the “when.” The best time to start this process was yesterday. The second-best time? Today.

Don’t wait for the perfect moment — there isn’t one. Make legacy conversations part of a consistent pattern of communication, not a one-time event. This isn’t a “set it and forget it” kind of thing. Family legacy isn’t something you write down and stick in a drawer to gather dust — it’s something you live, revisit, and allow to evolve over time.

Legacy Is What You Build Together

Most importantly, remember that building your family’s legacy is not just about the wealth-creator generation dictating what matters most to them. It’s also about them listening, especially to the rising generation. Their voice matters. Their values matter. The process of shaping your family legacy should feel less like a monologue and more like a multi-generational and multi-directional discussion.

Because at the end of the day, legacy isn’t just what you leave behind. It’s what you build together.

The families I work with who do this well understand that legacy work is ongoing work. It’s often messy. It requires patience, intentionality, and the willingness to have conversations that might feel awkward at first. But when families commit to this process — when they prioritize stories over spreadsheets and values over valuations — they create something that lasts far beyond any financial inheritance.

Your family’s legacy is waiting to be written. The question isn’t whether you have one — you do. The question is whether you’ll be thoughtful and intentional about shaping it, or whether you’ll leave it to chance.